What came first, a good coach or a good dad? This is an impossible question to answer, but it appears that each role aids the other. There are many characteristics that dads apply while coaching and vice versa – no matter if they were a coach first or a dad first.
"I first started coaching when I started a youth rugby club so that my boys could play rugby,' said Rob Speers, a rugby coach in Arizona.
"I have two boys, age 13 and 15,' he explained. "When my oldest son turned six – I thought, 'well, you are old enough to see if you are interested in the sport.' So I found a group of people that were doing a little touch rugby after school.'
"The main thing was to give him some exercise and some playing time with the game that I love. By the end of that season, I asked, 'Did you enjoy that? Would you like to do a lot more of it?' He quickly responded, yes.'
After this response, Speers and a couple of other dads jumped into action putting together youth rugby clubs in their area to give their children opportunities to take part in rugby.
"I would definitely say that passion is there,' Speers noted in regards to providing a future rugby landscape for his children. "If I want my kid to have an opportunity to take part in something they love, then I have to ask myself, 'what do I need to do to make it happen?''
"We ended up taking over the local SRO because we wanted to make sure that that framework was in place to provide them an opportunity that wasn't there when we were doing it,' he added.
For Speers, being a dad before becoming a coach helped provide him an understanding of what other parents hope their children take away from the pitch.
"There is a conscious effort when I am coaching that I am in coach mode - my kids are just one of the other players. I try to model what I would expect other dads hope to occur from the sideline, ensuring there is no favoritism,' Speers explained.
On the reverse side, assistant coach for the Men's XVs, Greg McWilliams, was a coach before becoming a new dad to his now 11-month-old twins – one girl and one boy.
"While I have been coaching for over 20 years, I have only been parenting for less than a year. I am the rookie, still trying to pick up on the nuances of being a successful parent, leaning very heavily on my wife Sarah, she is a special needs nursery nurse by profession. I think the most important thing you can have whether you are a parent or whether you are a coach is love and enthusiasm for your players or your children.'
"I would like to think that I have a very similar approach to coaching and parenting,' McWilliams said. "It is so important that you encourage collective development, allowing for mistakes to be made along the way. Hopefully, through effective reflection and learnings, you can reduce those mistakes to help them become better on the field and better as people' McWilliams added.
"I have these two amazing babies at home and an amazing group of players that I get the opportunity to coach. You care greatly for these individuals. You want them to succeed, while enjoying what they are doing in an environment that is built on integrity and strong values.'
For both coaches, switching between dad mode and coach mode is a skill that comes up often.
"It is a lot of fun to coach my kids. I make a point to treat them like everyone else on the team as much as possible. They get no favoritism. But the dad in me gets a kick out of getting a front row seat to watching them play the sport,' said Speers.
"It is a rewarding aspect to see them execute cool moves on the field like when they do the dummy or hit the gap. Seeing those little light bulbs kick in as players, is when dad mode kicks in more so than coach mode' Speers added.
While McWilliam's twins are too young to play rugby, he instantly recognizes the importance of balancing the coaching life.
“Getting that balance right is so tough. Coaches will appreciate just how isolated this profession can be. Each day I tell myself to be aware of that balance. I start the day earlier and finish later to make time to be a dad. Sarah also allows that balance to work, her support makes the whole thing tick.”
It is clear that dads who coach are a valuable asset, not just for the development of rugby, but also in the daily lives of their own children's upbringing. All of us at USA Rugby would like to wish a happy Father's Day to all the dads that coach or take part in making rugby possible in your child's life in any fashion.
